the dude abides

My mommy has been cheating on me. How do I know? Well, I spent a perfectly lovely morning with her chasing a tennis ball at Auntie Laura’s, and then I took a nap while mommy mowed the lawn (finally! It was too long even for me), and then she scooped me some dinner and told me to be a good boy.

Number one: I am always a good boy! And number two: that usually means she is leaving. She was only gone for a couple hours, but when she got home her pants were extra fluffed. And the fur on her pants was the wrong color of orange! And she smelled like Elliott! I thought Elliott was my friend, but now he’s inviting mommy out in the evening and letting her give him belly scratches while I am home alone. This will not stand.

Dude Out.

dark and blurry photo of Lebowski trying to escape the Furminator

On a regular basis (pretty much daily) my mommy tries to give me scratches with a puppy brush. Most of the time I am successful in foiling her plot. But ocassionally I’m too tired, and she brushes and brushes and eventually she decides I am sucker enough to fall for the Furminator.  So mean!  That thing takes away my lovely fluff! By the bag full!

bag full of fluff

How am I supposed to mark mommy every time she gets dressed, plus the carpet, plus the sofa, plus the bed, plus the puppyseat (mommy calls it the back seat) of the car, and still have hair pillows billow after each loving petting stroke? By avoiding every swipe of the evil Furminator! It is tiring, but the struggle is worth it–Preserve the Fur, my canine friends, Preserve the Fur!

Dude out

The hardest part of being a dog is being left home alone every day!  Just like always, this morning mommy’s noisy beeper thing went off and she scratched me on the head and told me I was wonderful.  Since I have her so well trained, she then went immediately to my nibble dish and gave me breakfast and fresh water before getting in the shower.  Next thing I know, I’m taking my morning snooze and she comes up all dressed, gives me a short scratch, and tells me to have a good day.  Whatever, mommy, I would have a better day if you would stay home and play with me!  I’m a social animal!  I hope my sad puppydog eyes make her feel guilty for leaving me all by myself.  That guilt is usually easy to translate into an after work adventure on the other side of the fence!

My weekend has been crazy! Yesterday morning, my mommy went all nutso with that noisy machine that sucks up my hair and all the wonderful gifts I have left in the carpet (mommy calls it a vacuum, I call it SCARY, so I went outside). While I was hiding in the backyard she went crazy with the mop and sponges too. It’s almost like she doesn’t appreciate my presents. Anyway, then she got all dressed up in these funny orange clothes and took off with my labradoodle friend (ha ha! that’s a funny name!) Lacy’s mom with lots of yummy stuff from the refrigerator. Can you believe she didn’t share!?! So I laid down for a nap.

But next! My Gma came over! And we snuggled and snuggled on the sofa until I got bored watching the Broncos beat the Beavers, and Gma tossed my chewy around for me to chase. I love my Gma.

Then this morning, Big Pop came over!! He’s great, but he doesn’t visit me as much as Gma, and he always wants me to give him my tennis ball after I go and get it. The nerve! It’s a lot of work to run after those things. Gee whiz. Dude needs a rest! So after a while mommy tied me to my big rope (who wants to “stay”? not me!) and I got to go to the front yard and supervise! They played with drills and stinky glue, and mommy said the new house numbers were really pretty.

Finally they were done “working” (whatever that is) and they got with the program paying attention to me. Sure, they were pretty much just drinking beer (share better, duh!) and telling stories, but I also got lots of scratches from Big Pop, so I was happy. Now it’s time to go for a walk, and I’m being charming, letting mommy scratch my tummy. Weekends are the best.

Let’s play a game!  We’ll call it “Where’s Lebowski?”–because I’m hiding!

Did you find me?  I’m the dog in the middle of the picture!  My mommy tells me all the time that I’m not a good helper, but I totally just helped you.  I am too a good helper.  See!  I have an ulterior motive in sharing this lovely picture of myself today.  I’m hoping to prod my mommy into taking me back to this spot near the Friendship Bridge in Julia Davis Park this afternoon.  It’s a beautiful fall day, bright and sunny, and perfect for a good long walk.

The Greenbelt is one of my favorite places.  I get to walk for a long long time, and there’s tons of stuff to sniff, and I get to make lots of new friends!  Mommy tells me all the time that not everyone wants to be my friend, but I think she’s just saying that to keep the wonderfulness that is me all to herself.  I mean, come on, I am charming!  I drool!  I sniff!  I bounce! And I offer my tummy for scratches!  I can’t imagine that anyone wouldn’t want to be friends with me.  Okay, keep your fingers crossed that I get to go play outside this afternoon.  Smell ya later!

Dude out

Geez Louise! Sometimes my mommy is so boring! I am ready for playtime! chase the puppydog! Give the puppy big belly scratches! Feed the puppydog from the treat cupboard over the stove! Not nighty night time. We all know how that can go terribly awry. Plus, it’s only 9:30! Play time!

I almost got in really big trouble the other night.  Morning.  Maybe it was night.  I don’t really know.  Anyway, I was sleeping, and so was my mommy.  And it was pretty chilly, and I was doing my snuggle job.  At least, I started out the night snuggling, but by the time the thing I’m about to tell you about happened I’d shifted around a bit.

So there we are, in the middle of the night.  I’m snoozing horizontally across the bed, with my feet in the air like I just don’t care.  My mommy is all squished, hanging over the edge, and she claims that I was hogging all the covers.  When she woke up shivering, she decided to yank some of the blankets out from under me.  As you can see what happened next is 100% her fault.  I, the wonderful puppy dog, am blameless.  When she gave that monstrous tug, my hind leg gave an involuntary wiggle and came in contact with her head.  This is the real story.  If you hear otherwise, like that rumor that I “kicked her in the eye”, don’t believe a word.  I’m a gentle giant–120 pounds of sweetness.  Not some midnight kicker!

Dude out